Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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