____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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