u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Someone shattered a urinal.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
