Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
do nipples grow back?
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