I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
