My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
