I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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