am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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