i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
