You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
