I faked an abortion last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
