We're facebook friends in real life
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
