He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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