see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it because I queefed?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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