and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
