her vagine was all disorganized.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
