i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
