ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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