Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
