Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
