I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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