he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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