last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
