if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
