They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
40s are totally the cure
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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