I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
