so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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