i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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