So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
