I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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