How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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