She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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