your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
