How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
