you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
