Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
