I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
