So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
