you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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