He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
