Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
