Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
