I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
