Dignity is for republicans.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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