i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
