And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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