Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize