god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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