Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
