I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
