i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
