I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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