not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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