New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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