I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
