he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
